Friendship · Life · Uncategorized

You Are Too Emotionally Unstable…

“You are too emotionally unstable for me to be friends with you.”

Yup, that is a very real thing that was said to me. I am very aware of my mental state, thank you. It is a battle I fight every single day. Yes, I am much more open about it than most people are. Yes, I talk about it freely. That doesn’t mean it’s easy for me, it’s still really hard. That doesn’t mean I’m doing this for attention, it means that I know someone has to be open about it. It means that I wish that someone had been open with me, so that I didn’t feel like I was alone.

Also, I firmly believe you should never tell someone that. The person who said that to me has absolutely no idea what that comment did to me for weeks following. It’s very likely you don’t know what they are going through, or where they have been. If you can’t be a good friend when I am sad, then you don’t get to be there when I’m happy. You don’t get to tell people how close we are. You walked out. It was better for me in the end, since I don’t need that negativity. I just do not understand on what planet it is acceptable to tell someone they are too emotionally unstable to be friends with you. Words hurt. Words cut people inside, comments like that one will stay in your head far longer than any compliment will.

Here’s the thing; I have a lot of emotions. I have a lot of feelings and they can change very quickly, one second I am completely myself and the next minuet I’m having a complete breakdown. That shouldn’t mean I’m not worthy of your friendship like some people seem to think. Yeah, I get it, it sucks. I get that I am not always going to be easy to be around. I tell my friends all the time that they are amazing for loving me through this. I know it’s just as hard for them sometimes. But “you are too emotionally unstable”, feels like an attack. It adds to the list of things that my brain can use against me. It adds to feeling isolated, it adds to feeling like no one cares and you would be better off if you were not there. You have no right to attack me. Never be the reason someone wants to give up. Never be one of the voices in their heads when they think they can’t do it anymore.

“You just seem to always have something wrong” yup, also not helping anything. Trust me, it feels like something is always wrong. I don’t need you to remind me of that. My brain makes up things to worry about, it doesn’t need any help. “you look tired/ sick/ are you okay?” Yes, I’m exhausted because I don’t sleep because my brain doesn’t shut off. No, I’m not sick, I just have days of low energy where it’s hard to do anything. No I am not okay, but I am on my way there. I don’t need anyone telling me that I’m not okay, I need someone to tell me that I will be okay. I don’t need you to tell me I’m unstable, I need you to tell me that you believe in me. I don’t need to hear that I don’t look too good, I need to hear that you love me.

Be careful of what you say, and to who. Our words are powerful. We are all fighting battles, and my battle won’t look like yours, but that is no reason to judge me. That is no reason to walk out on me.

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