I know how frustrating this is, trust me, I am just as frustrated. It sucks not being able to feel happiness. It sucks when you hate the world, it is absolutely miserable. I know it’s miserable for you too, I know that much negativity is draining. Some days are going to be worse than others, there are times when I am totally okay. But then the next day, when we had plans and I don’t feel like I can leave my apartment, please don’t be upset. It’s not that I don’t want to see you, I just can’t handle the thought of being out and surrounded by people. It’s not that I wasn’t excited about our plans, it’s just that I can’t do it today. Some days when I force myself out, it can be exhausting, so when I get quiet and stop participating in conversation, understand that maybe I’m a little burnt out.
Being surrounded by people is absolutely exhausting for me. When you invite me places, don’t be offended when I want to know everyone who is going. I’m not always comfortable being around large groups, especially if strangers are involved. It can be hard enough to be around people that know what I’m going through, who understand, who love and support me.
I know I am asking a lot, but I need you to be patient with me. It’s not going to be easy, but I will love you fiercely, and I will be incredibly loyal. I promise to be there for you when you need me to be. I will be forever thankful when you understand that I am trying, but this is hard. It’s never going to be easy. But I know it will never be easy for you either. I know that when I decide that I’m uncomfortable, I get weird. I know your other friends notice it too. I know that you don’t want to explain it to them. I know there are days when I try to push you away. Thank you for loving me despite these things.
I know that being my friend means that you have given up nights off to make sure I was okay. I know that being my friend means that you have left the dinner early because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I know being my friend means that this is hard for you too. I know that it can be scary when you wake up with a text from me that says “I’m not okay” but you have always handled it. I know sometimes you don’t know what to do. I know sometimes you feel like nothing you does help, but I know you are still there and that’s the important thing. You have always been there when I needed you. I know being my friend means that you have made so many sacrifices for me, that I will never be able to repay you for. I will forever be so thankful, and nothing I could ever do or say could tell you how important it is that you’ve always done these things for me.