So here’s the thing, you are your own person. If you are in a relationship, he or she does not own you. You have every right to make your own choices. There is a line between being a partner and being controlling. I will not date someone if he thinks he can control me, if he thinks he can decide what I wear and what I do and who I talk to. Your partner does not decide your life for you. They are there to add to your life. Your life partner should be there to support you and encourage you.
For reference, this could be a partner, or even a friend. I have had so many friends who thought they could control me. Some people want full control of everything, including their friends. Just because one of my friends doesn’t like something, I don’t have to not like it… I can still like something. It is my choice, I get to form my opinions.
I’ve fallen into this trap before. I lost myself to make someone else happy. I was willing to give up who I was and become what they expected. When that relationship ended, I had nothing. I had no idea who I was, I didn’t know what I liked or didn’t like, I was like a lost puppy. That was a mistake, I should have never given up who I was. It doesn’t matter what the situation, it is not worth losing yourself. I wish I had learned that sooner. I wish I had known. Everything was chosen for me when I was with him. I didn’t know how to make any decision by myself, because for the last four years I never made any decisions. I didn’t even know how to decide where to go for dinner, I had always just been told where to go. I had to reevaluate everything, because what I wanted and what he wanted was so convoluted that I didn’t know which was which. I’ve watched so many friends give up everything to keep a significant other. That is not healthy.
The right person will love you for you. You are not anyone’s pet to be displayed. You are allowed to have friends, you are allowed to not like something, you are your own human, you are not theirs. You are allowed to have your own feelings, they do not get to decide how you feel about something. You do not need to change to keep someone around. I never want to watch anyone lose who they are for someone else. If they are asking you to become someone else, then they are not the one for you. There are millions of people in this world, one of them is going to adore who you are. Don’t waste time trying to become someone you are not for someone else. If they love you, they will love you, not who they want you to be.