I never thought that I could be depressed. I never felt like I had the right to be depressed. I never thought that I could have anxiety, I never thought I had a reason to. I spent a long time telling myself I didn’t need to get help. I told myself that it was selfish of me to think something could be wrong with me. I knew so many people going through so much worse than me, what reason did I have?
I was raised by two wonderful loving parents, they supported me in everything. I have always received the most unconditional love from my family. I was raised in the middle class, and most of my life was spent in suburbs. I was set up to be an American sweetheart. I had everything I could ever ask for. I was living out one of my dreams. I’ve got a wonderful fur baby. My life looked so perfect. So why did I want to give up so badly? It didn’t make sense.
I didn’t struggle with any of the things I thought you had to have to be depressed or have anxiety. I had read articles that friends shared on facebook about symptoms, and I had all of them. But I felt like I had no right to feel that way. So I kept everything locked inside. I thought that maybe I was making it up, since everyone saw my life as so wonderful and I didn’t.
The thing is, you don’t have to have a reason. It’s not fair to yourself to say things like that. Trust me, it only makes it worse. I spent weeks feeling confused. There was one point where I hated myself for feeling the way I did. I hated myself for not being able to be happy. I hated myself for wanting to disappear. I hated that I was afraid of myself.
When I finally admitted to a couple of close friends what I thought was happening, they didn’t look at me like I was crazy. They both actually told me they had been thinking for a while that I didn’t seem like myself but they didn’t know how to bring it up to me. That was such a huge relief for me. It was incredible to know that I wasn’t going crazy, and for someone to tell me that it was going to be okay.
When I finally accepted it, I was able to start the process of becoming better. The thing is, this can affect anyone. Stop adding telling yourself that you have no right, because it will only add to the pain. Depression and Anxiety are part of my life now. It’s a part that I am learning to live with. It is okay.
It can happen to anyone, but it is okay, because you have people to love and support you. There are so many places for you to go and people you can talk to. Trust me, you have ever right to feel however you feel. You have every right to need support or help sometimes. Don’t let yourself become worse because you don’t feel like you have a right to need help.