Okay boys, lets have a talk. I’ve had several conversations this week with guys, who have just talked about my looks the entire time. Guess what? I am so much more than my looks. Honestly, I hate guys who keep talking to me about my looks, it’s not fun, it’s not cute, it’s not getting you anywhere. Yes, it is nice to be told you are beautiful, but that’s not the same as being told you are hot. Those are two totally different phrases. It’s also not fun to have every response be just about my looks. For example, below are two real conversations I have had this week.
“You’re cute” ~ boy
“Thanks, how are you today?” ~ Me
“You are really hot” ~ Boy
“Ok… So how was work?” ~ Me
“Oh it was ok, you are seriously so cute” ~ Boy.
“My car wont start” ~ Me
“Sorry, but you are so cute!!” ~ Boy
That’s not a response to what I just asked at all. If you can’t hold a conversation beyond you are hot, you are cute, you are so attractive, then it is not a conversation I am interested in having. At this point, I have serious questions about your ability to talk about anything but a girl’s looks. Girls are worth a lot more than their looks, I guess no one ever told you that.
While we are on the topic, I also don’t want the messages at 2am asking if I am awake. I’m sorry, I am not, and if I am, I am not the girl you are looking for. You won’t get the messages back that you want to get. You will get mad at me when I shut you down, and guess what? It is not my fault. You don’t get to yell at me when I shut you down. I don’t owe you anything. It is not my responsibility to make you feel good about yourself. It’s pathetic that you are asking me.
I wish I could say this was only one guy, or that it was only one time. But it’s not, it happens all the time. That’s weird guys. It is weird and uncomfortable. I get that some girls want that, but if you are clearly making a girl uncomfortable maybe it is time to stop. I don’t know why it is so hard for a guy to understand that I want to have conversations that are about things other than my looks. Maybe it is because I don’t think of my looks being anywhere near the top of my list of what I think my best qualities are? Maybe it is because I was raised around guys who respected girls. But this is new for me and I hate it. Stop messaging random girls you see on Facebook or Instagram who you think are hot, stop being creepy. Stop being pushy when you are told to back off or go away. Stop cat calling girls who are walking to their cars, because now we feel unsafe.
We have thoughts, ideas, passions. We have things we love to talk about, we have things we love to work hard at. I’m sorry, but a guy who is just wanting to talk about looks, who is clearly only interested in looks is not going to get very far in a conversation. That’s boring and honestly makes girls uncomfortable. Again, I know not every girl is uncomfortable with this, but we talk about stuff like this and more of us are uncomfortable with it than are willing to step up and stand up for ourselves. It’s hard to fight something that society makes so okay. It’s hard to stand up to someone twice your size knowing that they can overpower you. It’s absolutely terrifying. You think a guy won’t threaten you? You are wrong. I’ve had it happen, I’ve had friends who have had it happen. It’s not okay.
We live in a world where some guys still think it is a girls job to sit still and look pretty, and to make them feel good, and to stroke their egos. Sorry guys but I don’t play that game. I’m busy. I am sick of being told that I’m hot in response to a question that was not related to my looks at all. Guys wonder why girls have so many self-confidence issues and so many body issues, and some of it comes from the way we are talked to.
Next time you want to compliment a girl, talk to her about her passions and how you enjoy talking with her about things she loves. Take an interest in what she likes, if you compliment her looks tell her she looks beautiful. But make sure she knows that she is more to you than her body.
Just honestly start treating women with the respect we deserve. We work hard to be where we are in life, and it’s degrading when a man only wants to talk about my looks. I had a guy interview me once for a job and halfway through he stopped and asked me my age because of my looks, which isn’t even legal. I know a few guys will read this and not be surprised, and some will be. I wish I was exaggerating with these things, but I’m not.
Guys who think my worth is determined based on my looks, are part of the reason that I have issues today. I have issues with body image from years of guys judging me based on looks, and telling me what I needed to fix to be better. I’ve been told where I fall on a scale of 1 to 10 for looks. It mentally screws you up.
I am not here to play your little game. I am tired of boys being upset at me for not playing. I am not meat. I am not just a body, I am a soul too. And as Princess Jasmine so politely put it, I am NOT a prize to be won.