Friendship · Life · Uncategorized

The Real Side Of Greek Life

It’s not what you see in the movies. It’s not what you expect. It is so much more than that. I will forever be thankful for my sisters. Here’s the thing, when I accepted my bid, I didn’t really know what I was going into. But I’m so glad I did. I instantly gained girls who would support me, who would help me with classes, and who were always there if I needed anything. I know you always hear from the outside its hard to understand, and from the inside it’s hard to explain. It’s true in so many ways. But I’ll try for you.

I was nervous about going Greek, because I had heard all the horror stories. Sorority girls seem to have this negative reputation. I can tell you, not a single person in my chapter ever asked me to do anything I was uncomfortable with, they never forced me to go anywhere, they never forced me to drink or anything. I was loved, and important to them. They wanted me to be there. The chapter was filled with girls who had been in my place before, of being away from home, and not having friends. They know what it is like, and they are there for you.

People don’t talk about the community you build, not just in your chapter but other students in Greek life as well. I still have guys who check in on me who were in fraternities when I was in the sorority, I’ll get a message every few months just making sure I’m all good. It’s the same guys who would step up when drunk kids would try to hit on me at football games or protect me from the creepy guys in class. I could have never imagined I would gain brothers on campus. I am still in contact with girls from other chapters that I met during homecoming, or even during rush.

You never hear about the community service you are involved in either. My chapter made regular visits to the local Ronald McDonald house in Dallas, and had fundraisers for them each year as well. Each sorority supports a different charity, and it was incredible to be able to support each other in that. You knew when you had a fundraiser event, girls from every chapter on campus would be there helping you. Greek life is also active in campus community service days and things like that.

Some people didn’t agree with having mandatory study hours, but it is something you need to have. It forced me to set time aside to actually study and have people hold me accountable for that. The whole reason you are at school is classes, and I think that they did an amazing job making sure we were prepared for success. You should have been studying more than the required hours anyways.

The very real side of Greek life, was I had entered a community where I instantly had support. I could go to the library, and I could find someone I knew to help me. I could go to our house and have someone just to spend time with. I had girls I could text at any point in the day for anything. That became really important for me, as I joined at the same time as I was going through very rough times. They didn’t ever ask me to talk about what I was going through, but they made sure I knew that they were there for me. They will be there through the good, the bad, the ugly, the funny, and everything between. I promise you, I could message any of my sisters right now asking for help and they would respond asking what I needed.

Joining a sorority meant that I had a family. I saw these girls three times a week at least, I started making friends instantly. No, you are not going to be best friends with all 50 girls. There is a chance you won’t like everyone in the chapter. But you don’t have to. It is hard to get 50 girls together and like every single one of them. I love all of my sisters, but I had girls I was closer with. That is part of why you have Big/Little and families.

It is so much more love than you could imagine. It means that you have someone to be excited for you when you get your dream job, it means having someone to cry with when you had a bad week. It means having sisters, who will always be there for you. Even after you have moved away, they are there for you.

When they say it is not just for college, but for life, they are right. I moved to a new state and took a new job and I was terrified, and then I realized that I was surrounded by some of my sisters, and honestly it was so comforting. It is something that will be with you for the rest of your life, wherever you go. I’m so grateful for that. It is a bond that I share with women across the world, and there is a joyful little leap your heart does when you find out someone is your sister.

~We Live For Each Other~

 

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Friendship · Life · Uncategorized

I Don’t Trust You

To all of my friends,

You shouldn’t take it personally, it’s more about the people who came before you than you. See, the thing is I don’t know how to trust people anymore. I’m still learning. It’s hard once you’ve been broken so many times.

I know it’s not really fair. I hate that if we have plans I want to text you five times to make sure we are still going. I hate that I expect to be let down, I expect you to cancel on me. I expect you to drop me the moment it becomes convenient for you. I know you’ll end up replacing me, because that’s how it’s always been. Someone more fun comes along. Someone who is easy to hang out with, who is always happy and always down with whatever you want. I know that it’s not fun to be around someone who is depressed, misery loves company and all that. I know I “bring down the room”. I don’t want to do that, but sometimes it’s going to happen.

Why do you think I won’t ever tell anyone what I want to do? It’s because I would rather be unhappy doing what everyone else wants than risk making someone unhappy with me for wanting to do something different. I don’t want to upset anyone, because I’m afraid of losing them. I’ve learned that standing up for myself leads to losing people.

I don’t want to get attached to any friendship, because I’ve had years of friends walking out on me. I’ve been replaced for someone who was more convenient or more fun. I’ve been tossed to the side. I’ve been lied to “Oh, I still care about you” but then they won’t make plans with me. I’ve had people tell me that they loved me, but told everyone at work how horrible I am. So maybe you can see why it might be harder for me to trust you.

You can’t tell me that you love me, but refuse to talk to me when I need someone. That’s not the way friendship works. The thing is, I have had so few friendships where I wasn’t hurt, that it’s hard for me to believe you will be any different. What’s to say that you will change your mind, or find someone else to hang out with? I’ve learned I’m replaceable. So I’m sorry that I don’t trust you. But I’m afraid of trusting you.

Friendship · Life · Uncategorized

They Don’t Own You.

So here’s the thing, you are your own person. If you are in a relationship, he or she does not own you. You have every right to make your own choices. There is a line between being a partner and being controlling. I will not date someone if he thinks he can control me, if he thinks he can decide what I wear and what I do and who I talk to. Your partner does not decide your life for you. They are there to add to your life. Your life partner should be there to support you and encourage you.

For reference, this could be a partner, or even a friend. I have had so many friends who thought they could control me. Some people want full control of everything, including their friends. Just because one of my friends doesn’t like something, I don’t have to not like it… I can still like something. It is my choice, I get to form my opinions.

I’ve fallen into this trap before. I lost myself to make someone else happy. I was willing to give up who I was and become what they expected. When that relationship ended, I had nothing. I had no idea who I was, I didn’t know what I liked or didn’t like, I was like a lost puppy. That was a mistake, I should have never given up who I was. It doesn’t matter what the situation, it is not worth losing yourself. I wish I had learned that sooner. I wish I had known. Everything was chosen for me when I was with him. I didn’t know how to make any decision by myself, because for the last four years I never made any decisions. I didn’t even know how to decide where to go for dinner, I had always just been told where to go. I had to reevaluate everything, because what I wanted and what he wanted was so convoluted that I didn’t know which was which. I’ve watched so many friends give up everything to keep a significant other. That is not healthy.

The right person will love you for you. You are not anyone’s pet to be displayed. You are allowed to have friends, you are allowed to not like something, you are your own human, you are not theirs. You are allowed to have your own feelings, they do not get to decide how you feel about something. You do not need to change to keep someone around. I never want to watch anyone lose who they are for someone else. If they are asking you to become someone else, then they are not the one for you. There are millions of people in this world, one of them is going to adore who you are. Don’t waste time trying to become someone you are not for someone else. If they love you, they will love you, not who they want you to be.

Friendship · Life · Uncategorized

To My Best Friend

Wow. Where do I even begin? Friendship is so weird, you meet someone and then decide you like the human, and suddenly you have a human to tell everything to. Having someone like you is one of the best gifts the world could have given me. When I cry, you listen. When I laugh, you laugh (even if it is just at me). I wish everyone had a best friend like you, but you are mine.

The best thing you could have ever done was love me when I didn’t love myself, and tell me it was okay when I thought I was falling apart. You stood by me through everything. You believed that I was going to be okay, and you convinced me to believe that too. You wanted me to be in your life. You made me feel like I needed to stay when I wanted to run away. You always knew I was stronger than I thought I was. Thank you for always reminding me of that.

Friendship is so powerful. It is having someone to tell you when you are being stupid, but who loves you enough to let you learn on your own. It is having someone to text at 2am when you are crying. It is having someone to drive you to target when you are sick. It is having someone there. It is so important to have yourself surrounded by good friends.

I know it can’t be easy to be there when I hate the world. I know it can’t be easy to stay when I try to push everyone away, but you stayed. I know it is hard to listen to me be so negative, but you did, and you always told me it would be okay. You always brought light to the darkness. You made me believe I could do it.

I don’t want to imagine where I would be without you.  There are not a lot of people in the world who would have stuck around when I was at my worst, and you did that and so much more. You are one of the most selfless people I know. You give everything you have to the people you love. The best friend who turns into family, that is my best friend.

Friendship · Life · Uncategorized

Toxic Humans Ahead

Here’s the thing, one toxic person can ruin your life. I’ve had it happen more than I would like to admit. I’m the person who gets stuck trying to save someone. I think I can fix them. I think I can help them. You cannot fix them. You cannot fix someone who doesn’t want to change. You cannot fix someone who doesn’t think anything is wrong. You cannot help someone who is happy being miserable. Every single time it ends up worse for me, they don’t change, and they just change me instead.

If there is someone in your life who is bad for you then you need to get them out. I know this isn’t easy. Sometimes it can seem impossible. But I promise you, that you can find someone who will support you, encourage you, and love you. You deserve someone who will lift you up, not tear you down. Misery loves company, so miserable people will just turn you into a miserable person to make themselves feel better. But really it just feels like you are being eaten inside. You keep telling yourself that you are doing them a favor, that you are helping, but you aren’t. You are only hurting yourself more. You deserve better than that.

The biggest problem I have with finding friends, is that we live in a negative world. We live in a world where it is burn or get burned. I am always surrounded by gossip and rumors that are portraying someone in a negative light. We would be so much happier if everyone could love everyone. Think about it this way, would you want me going around telling people that you are negative, rude, and no one likes you? No. You wouldn’t. So why go around and say that about me or anyone else?

If every single day all you hear is bad things, that is how you start to see the world. You start to see everyone as mean, everyone as rude, and everyone as a horrible human. I got to a point where I honestly did not see the good in anyone or anything. I found something to hate about everyone. I always had a bad impression of everyone I met. I don’t want to see the world like that. I want to be able to find the good. But that also means learning to detach from the negative people in your life.

I want to have people who bring joy, happiness, love and laughter to my life. We all need people who will add to our life, not take from it. No one is perfect, no one is happy all of the time. I know I’m not. But there is a line between being upset about something, and being toxic. If you have someone who is making your life worse, then you need to get rid of them in your life. You deserve better relationships.

Friendship · Life · Uncategorized

Be Patient With Me

I know how frustrating this is, trust me, I am just as frustrated. It sucks not being able to feel happiness. It sucks when you hate the world, it is absolutely miserable. I know it’s miserable for you too, I know that much negativity is draining. Some days are going to be worse than others, there are times when I am totally okay. But then the next day, when we had plans and I don’t feel like I can leave my apartment, please don’t be upset. It’s not that I don’t want to see you, I just can’t handle the thought of being out and surrounded by people. It’s not that I wasn’t excited about our plans, it’s just that I can’t do it today. Some days when I force myself out, it can be exhausting, so when I get quiet and stop participating in conversation, understand that maybe I’m a little burnt out.

Being surrounded by people is absolutely exhausting for me. When you invite me places, don’t be offended when I want to know everyone who is going. I’m not always comfortable being around large groups, especially if strangers are involved. It can be hard enough to be around people that know what I’m going through, who understand, who love and support me.

I know I am asking a lot, but I need you to be patient with me. It’s not going to be easy, but I will love you fiercely, and I will be incredibly loyal.  I promise to be there for you when you need me to be. I will be forever thankful when you understand that I am trying, but this is hard. It’s never going to be easy. But I know it will never be easy for you either. I know that when I decide that I’m uncomfortable, I get weird. I know your other friends notice it too. I know that you don’t want to explain it to them. I know there are days when I try to push you away. Thank you for loving me despite these things.

I know that being my friend means that you have given up nights off to make sure I was okay. I know that being my friend means that you have left the dinner early because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I know being my friend means that this is hard for you too. I know that it can be scary when you wake up with a text from me that says “I’m not okay” but you have always handled it. I know sometimes you don’t know what to do. I know sometimes you feel like nothing you does help, but I know you are still there and that’s the important thing. You have always been there when I needed you. I know being my friend means that you have made so many sacrifices for me, that I will never be able to repay you for. I will forever be so thankful, and nothing I could ever do or say could tell you how important it is that you’ve always done these things for me.

Friendship · Life · Uncategorized

You Are Too Emotionally Unstable…

“You are too emotionally unstable for me to be friends with you.”

Yup, that is a very real thing that was said to me. I am very aware of my mental state, thank you. It is a battle I fight every single day. Yes, I am much more open about it than most people are. Yes, I talk about it freely. That doesn’t mean it’s easy for me, it’s still really hard. That doesn’t mean I’m doing this for attention, it means that I know someone has to be open about it. It means that I wish that someone had been open with me, so that I didn’t feel like I was alone.

Also, I firmly believe you should never tell someone that. The person who said that to me has absolutely no idea what that comment did to me for weeks following. It’s very likely you don’t know what they are going through, or where they have been. If you can’t be a good friend when I am sad, then you don’t get to be there when I’m happy. You don’t get to tell people how close we are. You walked out. It was better for me in the end, since I don’t need that negativity. I just do not understand on what planet it is acceptable to tell someone they are too emotionally unstable to be friends with you. Words hurt. Words cut people inside, comments like that one will stay in your head far longer than any compliment will.

Here’s the thing; I have a lot of emotions. I have a lot of feelings and they can change very quickly, one second I am completely myself and the next minuet I’m having a complete breakdown. That shouldn’t mean I’m not worthy of your friendship like some people seem to think. Yeah, I get it, it sucks. I get that I am not always going to be easy to be around. I tell my friends all the time that they are amazing for loving me through this. I know it’s just as hard for them sometimes. But “you are too emotionally unstable”, feels like an attack. It adds to the list of things that my brain can use against me. It adds to feeling isolated, it adds to feeling like no one cares and you would be better off if you were not there. You have no right to attack me. Never be the reason someone wants to give up. Never be one of the voices in their heads when they think they can’t do it anymore.

“You just seem to always have something wrong” yup, also not helping anything. Trust me, it feels like something is always wrong. I don’t need you to remind me of that. My brain makes up things to worry about, it doesn’t need any help. “you look tired/ sick/ are you okay?” Yes, I’m exhausted because I don’t sleep because my brain doesn’t shut off. No, I’m not sick, I just have days of low energy where it’s hard to do anything. No I am not okay, but I am on my way there. I don’t need anyone telling me that I’m not okay, I need someone to tell me that I will be okay. I don’t need you to tell me I’m unstable, I need you to tell me that you believe in me. I don’t need to hear that I don’t look too good, I need to hear that you love me.

Be careful of what you say, and to who. Our words are powerful. We are all fighting battles, and my battle won’t look like yours, but that is no reason to judge me. That is no reason to walk out on me.